hey, what happened to the 3 people that had read my blog? i liked knowing soneone, somewhere read the mindless babbling i occasionally posted.

Ours amazing how fast i can drink beer when i really want to

(813): I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.

Just the same

I wish my wife would make me as important I'm her life as i try to make her in mine.

I fucking hate my fiance

All I wanted

All I wanted to do tonight was go out, have a good time and come home, get intimate with my girl. Instead, she has to fuck that up by inviting her friends back to our house at midnight on a wednesday. If said friends were a little more open minded, that could be a Penthouse letter, but alas, they are not. So, fuck you, the one night we get to spend together, have a few drinks together and have a generally good time your girlfriends manage to ruin. Thanks for not seeing that. I'm glad you get to spend a little time with your friend that is in from oh so far away (I hardly see mine and they are all within 20 miles of our home...scratch that, it's a house, we've yet to make it a home). And sure, you can throw it out there like my friends are only MY friends, but they're OUR friends, if you werent so ignorant you'd realize that. Your friends are exactly that, yours. I wouldnt spend a second of time with them if you werent around. I see your relationship with my friends as slightly different. I never asked you to do the things you do, you volunteer to do them. I know I'm a shitty son for not getting my mother anything, and she knows the same. I am selfish, I am cruel, I am sorry that I'm not the person you want me to be. I wish I could be, but I'm not sure I can. I'm sorry.

You deserve better than this...

empty kegs and broken eggs

I am angry. I'm never really sure why, but it seems like that is the only emotion, only feeling left in me. That's not to say that I don't still have my other feelings but it is certainly the most dominant in my head. Between work, classes that I don't want to be in, and a relationship that I don't feel like I can trust(even though I have to reason not to believe that or feel it) I just cannot be happy. Coming into the winter in Illinois some people may call it Seasonal Affect Disorder (how ironic that the acronym is SAD), where due to changes in light exposure and time difference people develop depression like syndromes in the winter. Maybe that's it, or maybe its my long standing feelings of loneliness. Or I think I can do better. I don't know. I'll try to keep up on here and figure it out.

To the 4 people that have viewed any of what I've put down on this blog, thanks I guess.