stop

Stop clearing your throat, your lil "achue" sneezes, trying to be quiet shit. Go COUGH for crying out loud, or sneeze. It doesnt sound like you're trying to do either.

Realized

I realized tonight that we will never work. You HATE what I do in life. The only thing that you might approve of is the fact that I am going to be a cop. You dont like even watching a video of me riding my motorcycle, how could you live with me doing it every day? I love you, and it kills me to sit next to you and not cuddle up with you and kiss you. Maybe you do love me, but you dont accept everything about me, so, we will never be able to work.

I'm sorry. I love you.

Sheep and Wolves

There are three types of people in this world;sheep, wolves, and sheep dogs. The sheep, the general population. The people that belive that everyone is good, that there is nothing to worry about in this life, that there are no evil people in this world. The wolves are the evil people, those with no remorse, no feelings for their fellow human beings. The wolves willing to and often ready to jump at the chance to hurt others. Then, there are the sheepdogs. The sheepdog is the buffer between the sheep and the wolf. The sheepdog knows there are good people in this world, and knows there are people capable of great, GREAT evil in this world. While the sheep never expect the evil of the wolves, the sheepdog trys to anticipate the wolf, to beat him to his next move. But, while the sheepdog anticipates the wolf, and is capable of the same acts, the sheepdog shares the compassion of the sheep.

It is not a bad thing to be considered a sheep, but realize, that the sheepdog are not the people to be afraid of. Instead, embrace the fact that they are willing to stand ready, to put the wolves in their place.

single

WOAH... for the first time in over 3 years, I'm single. Like completly. I'm no longer dating anyone, no girlfriend, nothing on the horizion. I'm really not sure what to do exactly. Ive never really been the "dating" type. Just always had relationships. I guess starting all over fresh like this will be good. Should give me a chance to figure out what I want in my life.

Just because I bought you a drink...

Doesnt mean you get laid tonight. It's true, oh so true.
But, why do I keep doing this? Maybe I am afraid to be alone, I dont know for sure. I think this time she was right. The more time I spend alone, the more I hate it. I love my time to myself, out working, playing, whatever. But I HATE not having someone to tell me they love me at night, no one to look at me when I walk through the door and smile. Knowing you dont want to be with me anymore, or that you do but you wont let yourself kills me.
You tell me that you love me, or you used to at least, but I doubt it now.

I think this is the start to something completly new. I'm going to be alone for a wihle and hopefully figure out what I want. Figure out what I need.

Last day

A friend asked me last night what I would say on my last day...
now, the more i think about it, I really honestly cant say for sure. I said that I'd tell everyone i care about how i felt about them, go out on my R1, head to the bar for a burger and a beer and just kick back and relax till that day was up. But now, the more I think about it, I dont know that i would actually do that. Instead, I think I'll just stop at the gorcery store and pick up some things for my family, you know, some food, beer, a couple of cards to tell them how much I love them. I'd call my buddies over to give them some of my stuff, while the rest my family can keep, sell, whatever. I like to think I'd try to write down as much as I can remember of this life so someone some day could tell my story. And I'd defiently be making a "donation" to a bank or two, and letting a few people know that if they wanted to they could make that withdraw when they were ready. Or, maybe just see if they wanted direct deposit...lol. At any rate, I hope I dont see that day anytime soon, but if I do, I'll be prepared, just give me the heads up would ya?

my first...

Well, I guess this is my first post here. I'm sick and tired of this shit. We get such a good thing going, then you leave and it's like I've managed to fuck everything up. I apologize for the foul language, but I reall am sick of this. I dont know what I did or said, or what someone else did to put you in a bad mood, but I'm doin my best to make it better. I know you said you love me a lot more than you show and you want to show it. Well, you better start showing it, because too little too late is what ruined my last relationship and I dont want that to happen again. If things dont start changing I'm going to leave. I know you keep saying you'll die with out me, or kill yourself or whatever, but this shit HAS to stop, or we are going to stop. I've done my part, now do yours or I'm out.

I try to do my best every day, all I ask is you do the same.